Written By Alyssa Goff, Licensed Therapist (MA & RI)
Every year around this time, parents in my office start asking the same question:
“What should I actually get them this year?”
I get it. The toy aisle is LOUD. Flashing lights, sound effects, a hundred buttons, and a new “must-have” every week. Half of it is played with for a day and then forgotten in the bottom of a bin.
So I made you a list ◡̈ These are the things I use and love every single day at Coastal Counseling Associates, with kids, teens, and honestly, adults too.
None of this is sponsored. Nobody paid me to say any of it. These are just the tools that have earned their spot on my shelves.
What Makes a Toy “Emotionally Safe”?
When I choose something for my office, I’m asking a few questions:
Does it help a body feel calm, or does it rev it up?
Does it give a child words, pictures, or movement for big feelings?
Is it open-ended, with no right or wrong way to play?
Will it grow with them, so it’s still useful next year?
I also pay attention to color. I know that sounds silly and very “beige mom” of me, but there is research behind this. Most of what you’ll see in my office is soft, muted, and pastel. Bright, flashing, high-contrast toys can be a lot for a nervous system that’s already working hard, especially during the holidays. Softer colors give the eyes and the body a place to rest.
Here’s the details: Saturation affects arousal more than the color itself does. A classic 1994 study by Valdez and Mehrabian found that saturation and brightness had strong and consistent effects on emotions, and that brightness and saturation had substantially greater effects on emotions than hue. A 2018 study by Wilms and Oberfeld measured skin conductance and heart rate as well as self-report, and found that saturated and bright colors were associated with higher arousal.
Toys That Help Kids Breathe
This is one of my most-used tools. It looks like a simple expanding ball, but it’s the best visual for deep breathing I’ve found.
Pull it open as you breathe in. Let it close as you breathe out.
Kids can see their breath get bigger and smaller, which makes “take a deep breath” something they can actually picture. It’s usually under $20, and kids of almost any age can use it. I have even seen them at Dollar Tree and Five Below.
The simplest breathing tool in my office, and one of the most effective. Kids take a big breath in through their nose, then blow out slowly to make the pinwheel spin.
It turns “take a deep breath” into a game, and kids can see their breath working. Try slow breaths for a gentle spin and big breaths for a fast one. They’re inexpensive and easy to keep in the car, a backpack, or the bedside table.
Breathing Boards
Telling a child to “take a deep breath” in the middle of a meltdown rarely works. Breathing boards give them something to do instead. Kids trace a path with their finger, breathing in along one part and out along the next. Their eyes, hands and breath all slow down together.
I love that they’re quiet, hands-on and easy to bring anywhere: the car, a calm-down corner or the bedtime routine. Kids who would never sit still for a “mindfulness exercise” will happily trace a star or a squiggly path. Practice when everyone is calm, so the board feels familiar when feelings get big.
If you’re shopping, look for a set with a few different shapes or patterns so kids can choose their favorite. Simple, sturdy and screen-free is the goal.
This is a newer tool I have found and LOVE! Moonbuddy is a small, screen-free breathing buddy. Its belly gently expands and contracts, and you breathe along with it: in as it grows, out as it shrinks.
I use it with kids AND adults. There’s something about holding a breathing rhythm in your hands that helps the body follow along without having to think about it. It’s marketed for ages 6 to 12 and is a bigger-ticket item (around $99), but if your child struggles with bedtime or big feelings, it might be worth it. Honestly, I even use mine during virtual meetings sometimes!
Toys That Help With Big Feelings
Slumberkins: “Let’s Go! with Hammerhead Tools to Cool”
I looooooove this interactive book. Hammerhead practices his “Tools to Cool” and teaches kids how to do them too. It gives kids simple, concrete things to do when they feel mad or frustrated.
You can get the book on its own or as a set with the Hammerhead plush. The plush gives kids a buddy to practice with.
Puppets with different feelings on their faces are some of the most-loved items in my office.
Kids will often say through a puppet what they can’t say directly. “This puppet is SO mad” is a lot easier than “I’m mad.” Puppets also give kids a way to act out hard moments and try new endings, the same idea as the dream rewrite I shared in my last post.
Ocean Emotion Seashells by Learning Resources
This is a bucket of six pop-apart clam shells. Inside each shell is a sea creature (jellyfish, pufferfish, octopus, starfish, crab, axolotl) with a different feeling face on each side. They’re made for toddlers and preschoolers and cost roughly $15–30.
They make Emotion Friends, which are 3D-printed feeling figures that stack and stand, and Emotional Baggage, a canvas bag of eight plush stress balls with feeling faces that won Plush Toy of the Year at the Toy of the Year Awards.
Transitions are some of the hardest moments for kids, especially during the holidays when routines go out the window. A visual timer shows time as a shrinking color, so kids can see how much is left, which matters because “five more minutes” doesn’t mean much to a young child.
I use visual timers in session for clean-up, for the end of our time together, and for turn-taking. At home, they’re great for screen time, bedtime routines, and getting out the door. When kids can see what’s coming, their bodies don’t have to brace for a surprise.
Toys for Child-Led Pretend Play
The dollhouse in my office is a plain one from IKEA. No sounds, no lights, no buttons.
That’s on purpose. When a toy doesn’t tell a child what to do, the child gets to lead. In pretend play, kids act out what’s on their minds: a new baby, a bedtime battle, a worry about school, a family change. A simple dollhouse gives them a safe little world where they’re in charge of the story.
If you’re shopping, look for something plain and sturdy with a few simple figures. Less really is more here.
A Doctor Kit
Doctor visits, shots and hospital stays can feel scary and out of a child’s control. With a doctor kit, they get to be the one with the stethoscope. Kids often replay the hard parts again and again, and that repetition is how they work through it.
If you’re shopping, a basic kit with a stethoscope, a thermometer, bandages and a pretend shot is enough.
Animal Figures
Animal families are great for kids who aren’t ready to play out their own family directly. A mama bear, a baby bear and a “mean” alligator can carry a lot of feeling. Animal figures also mix well with the dollhouse.
If you’re shopping, look for sturdy figures that include family groupings (adult and baby animals) and a few wild or scary ones.
Toys That Calm the Body
Weighted stuffed animals give the body proprioceptive input, which is that deep, steady pressure that tells the nervous system “you’re safe, you can settle.” Kids hold them in their lap, hug them during hard conversations, or rest them on their chest during breathing.
A quick safety note: choose a weight your child can easily lift and move on their own, skip weighted items in bed for babies and young toddlers, and check with your pediatrician or occupational therapist if you’re unsure what’s right for your child.
Scarves, Ribbons, Ribbon Wands, and Play Silks
As a dance movement therapist, these are my absolute favorites.
They’re inexpensive, endlessly open-ended, and perfect for moving big feelings through the body. Kids can twirl out their excitement, wave away a worry, or practice slow breathing by watching a scarf float down. They become capes, oceans, wings, crowns, and blankets for stuffies.
If you only get one thing from this list, make it this.
Okay, the real name is a Dammit Doll, LOL. But in my office, for little ears, it’s the Darnit Doll. ◡̈
It’s a soft, floppy doll made to be whacked, slammed, and squeezed when anger feels too big to hold. And as a dance movement therapist, it’s one of my best friends.
Anger is a feeling that lives in the body. It’s hot, it’s fast, and it wants to move. Telling a furious child to “calm down” rarely works, because their body still has all that energy with nowhere to go. The Darnit Doll gives it somewhere safe to go.
We practice together: big breath in, then slam the doll on a pillow or the floor while saying “Darnit!” (or growling, stomping, or yelling into it). Kids often start laughing by the third slam. That’s the anger moving through and out.
The message they learn is so important: all feelings are okay, and there are safe ways to let them out. We’re not saying “don’t be mad.” We’re saying “here’s what to do with mad.”
A tip for home: set simple rules together, like “we only slam the doll on soft things” and “the doll is for mad, not for hurting.” Keep it somewhere your child can reach it when they need it.
Toys That Build Confidence
The Magic Mirror Affirmation Chart by Mindchild
This one makes kids light up. It’s a mirror paired with simple, kid-friendly affirmations, so children can look at themselves and say kind, true things out loud: “I am brave.” “I can do hard things.” “I am loved.”
I love it because the words kids hear most often become the voice inside their heads. When a child practices speaking kindly to themselves, they’re building the inner voice they’ll reach for when things get hard.
It also fits easily into a routine. Brushing teeth, getting dressed, or right before school are perfect moments for a quick mirror check-in. Say the affirmations together at first; that shared moment of connection is where the magic really happens.
It’s screen-free, simple, and quietly powerful, which is exactly my favorite kind of tool.
Balance Boards and Stepping Stones
Confidence lives in the body, too. A curvy balance board or a set of stepping stones lets kids wobble, fall, try again and eventually feel steady. Every time they figure out how to balance, they learn something deeper: I can handle feeling off-balance, and I can find my footing.
They’re also great for big energy on a rainy day. (Another one I love as a dance movement therapist.)
If you’re shopping, choose a simple wooden balance board or a few non-slip stepping stones. They work for years and grow with your child.
Real Musical Instruments
A drum, a xylophone, shakers or a ukulele let kids make something that’s loud, expressive and completely their own. Music lets them take up space, and there’s no wrong way to play.
If you’re shopping, look for real instruments with good sound, not toys with prerecorded songs and buttons.
Toys That Let Kids Create
Open-Ended Art Supplies
Think watercolors, crayons, oil pastels, clay, playdough, and plain paper. No coloring pages, no kits with one “right” final product.
In session, art gives kids a way to show what they’re feeling before they have the words for it. A scribble can hold a lot of anger. A color can hold a whole mood. When there’s no right answer, kids get to just express.
Art is also incredibly regulating. Squishing clay, pounding playdough and making big sweeping marks with a crayon all give kids a physical outlet for big energy. Soft, slow watercolors can help a busy body settle. Sometimes the process matters far more than whatever ends up on the page.
How you respond matters too. Instead of “That’s beautiful!” or “What is it?”, try describing what you see: “You used so much red,” or “Those lines are really fast and strong.” That tells your child you’re paying attention, without judging the work or making them explain it. If they want to tell you about it, they will.
Gifts That Aren’t Things
Some of the best gifts don’t come in a box.
A Yes Day. One day where the answer (within reason) is yes. Kids feel powerful, and you get to see what lights them up.
A Movement or Art Class. A gift that keeps giving all year, and a way for kids to move and create in their own way.
A One-on-One Date With a Parent. Breakfast, a walk, a trip to the library, just the two of you. For kids with siblings especially, undivided time with you is one of the most regulating gifts there is.
A Family Adventure. A trip to the aquarium, a hike, apple picking or a day at the beach. Shared experiences turn into the stories your family tells for years.
A Special Job or Responsibility. Watering the plants, feeding the pet or being the official “pancake flipper” on Sundays. Kids feel capable and trusted when they’re given real ways to contribute.
Teach Them Something You Love. Baking, gardening, knitting or a card game from your childhood. You’re passing down a skill and a piece of yourself.
A Memberships or Pass. A zoo, museum, children’s museum or pool pass. It gives you a year of easy outings and something to look forward to.
A Bedtime Ritual. A new nightly routine just for them, like a special song or a round of “rose, bud, thorn.” Everyone shares a rose (something good from the day), a thorn (something hard) and a bud (something they’re looking forward to). It gives kids a simple, predictable way to talk about the whole day, the good and the hard, and connection at the end of the day helps them settle.
A Letter From You. Write down what you love about them, what you noticed this year and what makes them them. Kids keep these, and they’re especially powerful for children who struggle to see their own strengths.
An Experience With Someone They Love. A sleepover at Grandma’s, a baking day with an aunt or a fishing trip with Grandpa. It strengthens the web of grown-ups in a child’s life.
A Kindness Outing. Picking out toys to donate, baking cookies for a neighbor or volunteering together. Giving feels good, and kids learn they can make a difference.
A Camp Night at Home. A blanket fort, flashlights, snacks and a movie in the living room. It costs almost nothing, and kids remember it.
Books That Help Kids With Big Feelings
Books are one of my favorite tools, in session and at bedtime. A good story lets kids see their own hard moments from a safe distance, and it gives you and your child shared words for next time.
“Breathe Like a Bear” by Kira Willey
This is my go-to breathing book. It’s a collection of 30 short mindfulness exercises, each built around an animal or a little story. Kids can be calm, focused, imaginative, energized, or relaxed. Every exercise takes a minute or two, so it’s easy to use anywhere: the car, the waiting room, or right before bed.
It’s best for ages 4 to 8, and kids love acting out the animals. (Very dance movement therapist approved.)
Dr. Becky’s “Good Inside” Picture Books
If you love Dr. Becky’s parenting approach, her picture books bring it straight to your kids.
“That’s My Truck!: A Good Inside Story About Hitting” is about a moment almost every family knows. “Leave Me Alone!: A Good Inside Story About Deeply Feeling Kids” is for kids whose emotions get really big, really fast, and shows how a parent can help them feel safe again. Both are written for ages 3 to 6.
What I love most is that these books don’t pretend hard moments are neat and tidy. They show the messy middle, which is exactly where kids need to feel understood. That’s My Truck! also includes a guide for grown-ups with tips and scripts for handling hitting.
“The ABCs of Calm” by Rose Rossner and Brooke Backsen
This is a sweet board book that turns calming skills into an alphabet, from affirmations in the morning to Zzzz’s at night. Each letter offers a small, doable practice, with gentle rhymes and cute animal illustrations. Co-author Brooke Backsen is an occupational therapist and yoga instructor, so the strategies are practical and grounded.
It’s made for the littlest readers, ages 0 to 3. It’s a lovely way to start building a feelings vocabulary before kids can even say all the words.
“Llamaste and Friends” by Pat-A-Cake
Llamaste is a llama who loves yoga. In this funny, sweet story, she helps Tiger calm down and Koala feel brave by showing them simple yoga poses. The poses are easy for little bodies to copy, so you can practice right alongside your child.
It’s a board book for babies through age 3. I love any book that gets kids moving their bodies to shift how they feel.
“My Calm Down Book” by Rose Rossner
This one is more of a tool than a story. Every page has a different hands-on sensory element, the kind occupational therapists use, to help kids settle when they’re anxious or overwhelmed. The text is soothing and rhyming, and the colors are soft.
It’s wonderful in a calm-down corner, at home or on the go. It also works best when a grown-up uses it with the child, because kids learn to regulate by first being regulated with someone.
“The Color Monster” by Anna Llenas
The Color Monster wakes up all mixed up, feeling angry, happy, calm, sad and scared at once. A little girl helps him sort each feeling into its own color. It’s a simple, visual way for kids to name what’s going on inside, and it pairs beautifully with art or movement afterward. (What color are you today?)
It’s best for ages 3 to 8, and there’s also a pop-up version that little ones love.
One for the Grown-Ups
“Good Inside” by Dr. Becky Kennedy
This is the book I recommend to parents more than any other. Dr. Becky’s approach is about being a sturdy, steady leader for your child while still validating their big feelings. It’s practical, compassionate, and it changes how you see those hard moments.
Because here’s the truth: the most calming thing in any child’s life isn’t a toy. It’s a calm grown-up.
What I Tend to Skip
You won’t find many toys in my office that light up, talk, or play music on their own. That doesn’t make them “bad.” It just means they’re doing the playing for the child.
The toys I love leave space for your child to lead.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is an emotionally safe toy?
An emotionally safe toy helps a child feel calm, express feelings, or play in an open-ended way. It supports the nervous system rather than overstimulating it.
What toys help kids with anxiety?
Tools that support slow breathing (like a Hoberman sphere or breathing buddy), deep pressure (like weighted stuffies), and expression (like puppets, art supplies, and movement scarves) can all help kids manage anxious feelings.
Are weighted stuffed animals safe for kids?
For most kids, yes, when the weight is appropriate and the child can move it easily. Avoid weighted items in bed for babies and young toddlers, and check with your pediatrician or occupational therapist if you’re unsure.
What are good non-toy gifts for kids?
Experience gifts like a yes day, a class, or one-on-one time with a parent build connection and memories without adding more stuff.
What are the best toys for pretend play?
Toys that don’t come with a script: a simple dollhouse, puppets, a play kitchen, a doctor kit, animal figures and scarves. These let kids act out what’s on their minds and lead the story themselves.
How can I tell if a toy is helping my child regulate?
Notice how your child seems after playing. Calmer, more focused or more connected are good signs. If they seem more wound up, frustrated or scattered, the toy may be adding stimulation rather than settling it.
If Your Family Needs Support
At Coastal Counseling Associates in Medway, MA, we help children and families make sense of big feelings through expressive arts, play, and movement.
If the holidays feel extra big for your child this year, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
You can also find free parent handouts on our website and follow along on Instagram at @expressiveartswithalyssa or @coastalcounselingassoc
The best gifts don’t have to be big or loud.
They just need to help your child feel safe, seen, and connected.
This post is for educational purposes and is not sponsored. It is not a substitute for medical or mental health care. If you have concerns about your child’s wellbeing, please reach out to your pediatrician or a licensed provider.