Written By Alyssa Goff, Licensed Therapist (MA & RI)
Dreams have been coming up a LOT lately from parents in my office as a family therapist.
“My kid is having bad dreams about Halloween.”
“My daughter thinks there’s a monster in her closet.”
“Should I be worried?”
I understand allll the concerns. I’m a mom too. I know the 2 a.m. cry from down the hall, the racing heart, the little body climbing into bed insisting something was chasing them.
Most of the time, the honest answer is reassuring. Nightmares aren’t a sign that something is wrong with your child. They’re a sign of a brain that is busy growing, sorting through the day, and learning how to hold big feelings.
But understanding why it happens changes how we respond. So let’s talk about what’s actually going on in a child’s brain at night.
The Feeling Brain Takes the Night Shift
Sleep isn’t one long, quiet stretch. All night, the brain moves in cycles between light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. Most vivid, story-like dreaming happens during REM.
And during REM, something important shifts.
The amygdala, the brain’s emotion and alarm center, becomes highly active. This is the part of the brain that notices danger and sets off big feelings.
At the same time, the prefrontal cortex quiets down. This is the “thinking brain,” the part that handles logic, planning, and reality-checking. It doesn’t shut off completely, but it turns way down.
So at night, the feeling brain is driving and the thinking brain is mostly resting.
That’s why dreams don’t have to make sense. Flying, talking animals, a classroom that turns into a beach. In the moment, all of it feels completely normal.
It’s also why feelings show up in dreams without a filter. A small worry from the day can grow into something huge.
Why Kids Feel Their Dreams So Deeply
Here is the part I want parents to really hear.
A child’s prefrontal cortex is still under construction. It keeps developing into the mid-20s.
That means for kids, the feeling brain often leads even during the day. It’s why a broken cracker can feel like the end of the world at 4 p.m.
At night, when the thinking brain quiets even more, big feelings have even more room to take over.
So when your child wakes up terrified about a monster that clearly isn’t real, they aren’t being dramatic. Their brain is doing exactly what a young brain does.
Dreams Are the Brain’s Overnight Therapy
REM sleep isn’t just where scary dreams happen.
It’s also when the brain stores memories, practices new skills, and processes the emotional experiences of the day. Some sleep researchers describe REM sleep as a kind of “overnight therapy,” because it can help soften the sting of hard moments.
As a therapist, I find that comforting.
Even the scary dreams can be part of a child’s brain working through the day, the same way we process things in therapy, just in pictures instead of words.
How Children’s Dreams Change With Age
Dreaming is a skill that grows over time, just like walking and talking.
Babies spend about half of their sleep in REM. Adults spend about 20–25%.
Toddlers and preschoolers (about ages 2–5) tend to have simple dreams, like a picture or one short moment, often with animals, family, or familiar places. They often can’t describe their dreams well yet because they’re still building the language and storytelling skills.
Around ages 3–6, nightmares become especially common. Imagination is growing fast, and so are new fears.
Young children may also believe dreams are real or that they came from somewhere outside of them. That’s developmentally normal. You can gently say:
“That was a dream. Dreams are like pictures our brain makes while we sleep.”
Around ages 7–8, dreams become more story-like, and kids begin to show up as the active “main character.”
In the teen years, dreams look a lot like adult dreams. They’re full stories, and the themes follow adolescent life: friends, belonging, being left out, crushes, embarrassment, school pressure, and figuring out who they are. Stress dreams show up too, like being chased, falling, or showing up to a test unprepared.
Teens also feel their dreams intensely. Their emotional brain matures early and runs “hot,” while their thinking brain is still developing into their mid-20s. When the feeling brain takes over at night, teen dreams can be especially vivid and emotional.
Then there’s the sleep problem. During puberty, the body clock shifts later, so teens naturally get sleepy later at night. Early school start times cut their sleep short, and the longest stretches of REM happen in the last hours of the night. That means a short night takes the biggest bite out of the brain’s overnight emotional processing. It’s part of why a tired teen can feel so reactive the next day.
Night terrors usually fade by adolescence, and nightmares become less frequent overall. When a teen keeps having distressing dreams, it’s often a sign of stress, anxiety, or something heavy they’re carrying. It’s worth a gentle check-in.
With teens, curiosity works better than reassurance. Instead of telling them what a dream means, try:
“What did that dream feel like?”
Nightmares vs. Night Terrors: They’re Not the Same Thing
This is one of the most helpful distinctions I share with parents, because the two look very different and call for different responses.
Nightmares happen during REM sleep, usually later in the night or early morning. Your child wakes up scared, can often tell you what happened, and wants comfort.
Night terrors happen during deep, non-REM sleep, usually in the first few hours after bedtime. Your child may scream, thrash, or seem wide awake, but they don’t respond to you. In the morning, they usually remember nothing.
Night terrors are often much harder on the parent than the child.
If your child is having one, stay close and keep them safe, but don’t try to wake them. It will pass, and they’ll usually drift right back to sleep.
Both nightmares and night terrors tend to show up more when kids are overtired, sick, stressed, or going through big changes: a move, a new sibling, starting school, even the holidays.
What the Body Remembers
In my work as a dance movement therapist, I pay close attention to what the body is saying before words catch up.
A nightmare doesn’t end when the eyes open. The heart is still pounding. The breath is still fast. The body still believes it’s in danger.
That’s why “It’s not real, go back to sleep” rarely works.
The dream wasn’t real. But the fear in their body is.
Before a child can be reasoned with, their body needs to feel safe again. And the fastest way to a calm body is a calm grown-up.
What to Say After a Bad Dream
When your child wakes up scared, their thinking brain is still offline. They need you to be their calm thinking brain until theirs comes back.
Start with yourself. Take one long exhale before you say anything. Your calm becomes the anchor your child borrows.
Name the feeling. “That felt so real and so scary. I’m right here.”
Comfort the body. A hug. A hand on their back. Slow breaths together: “Let’s smell the flower, now blow out the candle.” A favorite stuffy. A sip of water and a soft light.
Keep it short. The middle of the night isn’t the time to analyze the dream. Try saying: “That was a dream. Dreams are like pictures our brain makes while we sleep.”
Try a Dream Rewrite
The next day, when everyone is calm, invite your child to change the ending.
“What could happen next in your dream to make it feel better?”
Maybe the monster becomes friendly. Maybe it shrinks to the size of a bug. Maybe your child grows giant wings and flies away.
Let them draw it, act it out, or move it through their body. Kids often feel brave once they get to be the one in charge of the story.
This is one of my favorite tools, and it’s rooted in real therapeutic practice. We aren’t erasing the scary feeling. We’re helping the child discover they have power over it.
Protect the Wind-Down
A predictable bedtime routine tells the nervous system it’s safe to rest.
Bath. Books. A few minutes of calm, connected time. Fewer screens and scary shows close to bedtime, especially during stressful seasons.
It doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be predictable.
When to Reach Out for Support
Occasional bad dreams are a normal part of childhood.
But it’s worth checking in with your pediatrician and/or a therapist if nightmares or night terrors:
happen often or are getting worse
come with snoring, gasping, or pauses in breathing
leave your child afraid to go to sleep or exhausted during the day
A child therapist can also help if bad dreams seem tied to anxiety, a big life change, or something hard your child has been through. In therapy, kids get playful, body-based tools to work through big feelings during the day, so they don’t have to carry them all into the night.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do kids have nightmares?
During REM sleep, the brain’s emotion center (the amygdala) is highly active while the logical thinking brain (the prefrontal cortex) quiets down. Because children’s thinking brains are still developing, fears and feelings from the day can easily turn into vivid, scary dreams.
At what age are nightmares most common?
Nightmares are especially common between about ages 3 and 6, when imagination and new fears grow quickly.
Should I wake my child during a night terror?
No. Stay close and keep them safe, but don’t try to wake them. Night terrors usually pass on their own, and most children don’t remember them.
Can stress cause nightmares in kids?
Yes. Stress, big changes, moving, illness, and being overtired can all make nightmares and night terrors more likely.
If Your Family Needs Support
At Coastal Counseling Associates in Medway, MA, we help children and families make sense of big feelings through expressive arts, play, and movement.
If your child is struggling with sleep, worries, or emotions that feel too big to hold, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
[Contact us to learn more about child therapy and our children’s groups.
You can also find free parent handouts on our website and follow along on Instagram at @expressiveartswithalyssa.
Big feelings don’t have to be solved by morning.
They just need someone to hold them.
This post is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for medical or mental health care. If you have concerns about your child’s sleep or wellbeing, please reach out to your pediatrician or a licensed provider.